This is a moment both validating and horrific. While many of us suspected the abuses of power and cover-ups on a grand scale, I don’t think any of us foresaw the avalanche of abhorrent acts and complicities revealed in the Epstein files. Rape, murder, abuse, kidnapping, torture, child abuse, and molestation, all seen and kept hidden by some of the most powerful people in our society.
But the gut-wrenching aspect is only part of the rage that is awakening women. It is also the extreme validation of feeling that so many of us have had, have known, that men have continued to abuse us, dehumanize us, and lead us into darkness for far too long. How many of the men in the files have you thought absolutely hated women? Or at the very least, were firmly centered in the toxic-masculine gaze? How many have said they were allies, but you knew their saying so was a form of PR?
Bill Gates was one of those for me because he supposedly was concerned for humanity and our environment, and yet dribbled bread crumbs of funding in contrast to his immense fortune. Bill Clinton, often portrayed as a dumb, lovable guy recently, had his abuses of power, having sex with a young intern. Though Lewensky was of legal age, she was at a severe power disadvantage, with the potential of losing her job, access to career opportunities, and her credibility if she refused. And “Dr.” Oz, a conveyor of junk science that often preyed on women’s hopelessness when it came to medicine. And he’s gotten rich over the lies he’s sold.
There are plenty of good male politicians and public figures out there trying to do the most good for everyone. Examples that come to mind are NYC Mayor Zohran Manmdani, Minnesota Governor Tim Walsh, and actors Mark Ruffalo and Pedro Pascal. All of them have put feminist rhetoric into action, have had consistent messaging, and aren’t afraid to show compassion toward women and children.
But so many of our allies have failed in spectacular ways. Even those we know, who do we trust with power?
Women. That’s who I trust. There are plenty of bad women in the world, but we are more naturally aligned with those of little power, conditioned to be nurturing toward those who need it, not conditioned to make moves that sacrifice others in the name of money. And we do not create networks to kidnap, rape, and murder children.
Enter: The Matriarchy.
We get started by broadening our minds to what a different sort of leadership could look like. We know what kind of people we don’t want to be, like the men who have ruled the world for so long. We have to know how to make ourselves different, and better. That’s why I’ve put together a Matriarchy reading list. Here are my choices so far that I think are essential for transformational understanding of our world today and how we can use that understanding for the better.
Lead with Love
One of the most important things moving to the matriarchy is to embrace the concept of love as policy. Love does not mean that we should not protect ourselves or our countries, or our resources. It means we do not lead by fear of losing. Love is bravery. Love is solidarity. It is what grows old forest networks and the sound of joy and the phathoms of patience and understanding. To be truly equal and uplifting to everyone, we need to understand what it all means.
1. All About Love by Bell Hooks
I didn’t know I needed this book until I read it. It is a slim volume that looks at how powerful love is, and yet, how little we value or know about it. Love is not just romance, but a way of understanding one another and fostering growth.
2. For the Love of Men by Liz Plank
I feel this book is the most essential of underpinnings for sex equality. We focus so much on the injustices put on women and the ways women can rise above it, but we don’t talk about how to dismantle the toxic-masculine conditioning that our society has done to men. Women’s understanding of themselves has grown exponentially in the past century, but men’s understanding of what it means to be a man has stagnated. Men do not know who they are without the structure of patriarchy, without the characteristics that make them masculine. We have to dismantle this system of masculine indoctrination if we are to make significant progress in men’s attitudes toward women.
3. Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall
Remembering justice does not just mean for white women is crucial. A matriarchy is no different than the patriarchy if we fail to lift other disenfranchised groups as well. Hood Feminism talks about not just women’s rights, their representation in powerful positions, or attitudes and structures that silence women. It addresses those women who do not have the same support systems as white middle-class women. Black women in particular live in conditions that undervalue them and their families. If a woman does not feel safe, cannot access quality education, cannot secure food, and is trapped economically, feminism has failed them. This book will broaden your mind to the scope of the work feminism needs to do and help us take care of everyone.
Our Earth
Women and disenfranchised groups are not the only ones exploited by the patriarchy. Earth is a mother to us all, and we have been taught she is a resource to take from, not to celebrate and reciprocate. Without environmental justice, communities will continue to suffer from unclean water, unbreathable air. As Naomi Kline explains in her book, This Changes Everything, no matter what, extractive capitalism requires “sacrifice zones,” places where we station illness-causing plants, dumping sites, and cause other harmful actions to communities and land we choose to sacrifice. No one should have to suffer for economic benefit, and in the end, whether or not we live in these ‘sacrifice zones,’ we all lose.
4. Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
This book is about Native science and biology. Kimmerer brilliantly illustrates the idea of reciprocity as a way to sustain and regenerate the earth, instead of simply extracting from it. Kimmerer gives plenty of examples of Native medicine that benefits us and the earth both, and how we have forgotten to celebrate and honor the gifts the earth gives us. I enjoy nature writing but never have I felt so invested in my own relationship with the earth, reawakened by the small truths that are innate to all of us made up of water and carbon. I feel this is an essential book of hope and guidance to steer our humans and earth into a healthy, reciprocal, relationship.
5. This Changes Everything by Naomi Kline
If you’re not convinced that big changes need to happen to save our planet, look no further than this meticulously researched book by Naomi Kline. You will think, partway through, ‘Ok Naomi, I get it, I get it,” as she piles up examples of oil industry abuses, pollution of natural waters, and the utter uselessness of “carbon offsets.” But this repetition builds to make the reader feel the groaning weight of capitalism that assaulting our planet. It doesn’t just show examples of the problem, it impresses the scale and seriousness of it. Kline also supports Native regenerative practices and current climate solutions that are currently stunted by capitalism. This book is over a decade old now, but we all know these problems have not gotten better, and we’re way past due for change.
But Also Honoring Our Rage
6. Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly
From a young age, women learn that anger is not a “ladylike” emotion. We learn to suppress our anger at the slights and injustices of the world, and our emotional and physical health takes the toll. But more than that, anger is useful, and wielding it is vital. For us to acknowledge our feelings is to understand our oppression and injustices, and to collaborate with other women based on our lived experience, not just the socially acceptable parts of it.
7. Mediocre by Ijeoma Oluo
This is a book about why the world is the way that it is. The way that men, white men in particular, have manipulated our society to undermine women, people of color, and other minorities in order to solidify their own power. They have created stories that exaggerate their greatness while minimizing and stealing the triumphs of others for themselves. If there was a book that both made me feel my rage and aided my understanding of the way society is what it is, and how men have been enabled to be the worst offenders imaginable, it is this gem.
8. Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Pérez
Invisible Women is a celebrated guide to sexism in the digital age. It impresses injustices women face through measurable data, and the lack thereof. Despite anotomical differences, medicine focuses on male bodies, and even if both male and female test subjects are used, tests often do not separate the data groups to fully assess how women’s needs might be different. An important issue this book popularizes is that there are no female car crash test dummies, a problem since female anatomy is different than men’s: we have breasts, we are generally smaller, we are sometimes pregnant, among other anotomical differences. This book will truly make you angry as to how the male body and experience is considered the default, and women are left to deal with the disparity, often invisible because of the lack of data.
